Asking for Help When You Hate Asking for Help

Q: "Why didn't you call me? I'm always here for you."
A: "I didn't want to bother you."

⬆️Most common reason I hear from folx who are struggling but don't reach out to anyone for help, even when the struggle has reached catastrophic proportions.

— @laseraccuracy (@LaserAccuracyLC) July 31, 2021

If this is a familiar feeling for you, you are in plenty of good company. No one wants to feel like a burden or like they are bothering their friends with their problems. You are not a burden, and your problems and feelings are valid. If a friend has offered you support, try to take them at their word that they mean it.

If you still find yourself resisting reaching out for help when you need it, try using the principles of consent to give both you and your friend(s) agency in the situation. Asking for help with the aid of consent principles might look something like this:

"Hey friend, I'm feeling really ______ about _____ right now, are you available to talk it through with me?"

By asking for the other person's consent and giving them a bit of context, you are allowing them to gauge their own availability and bandwidth for that kind of a conversation. T

he next important step is to trust your friend to tell you the truth in whatever answer they give, especially if they say "yes, I'm here, talk to me." This can be hard to accept, and those feelings of guilt or resistance might still be present.

Let your friends make good on their offers to support you when you need it. Give them the gift of trust. Give them the opportunity to disprove those insidious feelings that keep you distant from the people that care about you. You are allowed to be messy. There is space for you, the messiness, and all the other parts of you. There is space for love, acceptance, and healing. You matter.

Thumbnail Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash